BDSM who's really in charge?

[ninja999]

tried this before. I probably should have labeled it better. so who really is in charge. the master who punishes for misbehavior, or the sub who misbehaves to be punished.

[RayWen]

Don't know about anyone else, and we don't have a master/slave situation, but it's more of a "lets try this" type of thing. We've seen this in most healthy lifestylers' relationships. An unhealthy situation is where one disregards the other person. This would either be the "master" carrying on until the "slave" was injured or even the "slave" encouraging injury.

So I would say, it's pretty even on who is in control in a safe situation. When the balance is upset, it will become dangerous.

Remember folks: Keep it Safe, Sane and Consensual!

[ninja999]

excellent response. i've been in the lifestyle for many years and seen alot of dambasses with the wrong idea fuck people up.

[Bro-Scro]

i prefer a carbon fiber rod and a little bit of rock salt

[J.C.]

As I said in the old thread, sub sets the rules man. Sub is in control.
There is an old saying (I'm paraphrasing here at best) that says the enemy sets the rules of engagement on the fact that they exist. Without an enemy there is no reason for said engagement.
Substitute the word enemy for submissive.

[ExPro]

Meh my boyfriend says 50/50. I say the sub gets more control because they can always say no. The sub gives the Dom power to dominate by agreeing, and willingly accepting the yummy punishments.
"the sub gives you the map, the Dom chooses the route"--boyfriend.
I still say that the punishments are yummy, most of the time.

[Bro-Scro]

substitute punishment for buttsecks

[RayWen]

substitute punishment for buttsecks

I agree, needle play is an excellent form of "punishment," though a beautiful woman, not an ugly ewok, is a much more desired dom. Though you have to be careful on the butt if the sub has to sit down a lot.

[TorresLLNM]

I would have to agree with the "even power exchange" arguement.

Otherwise, how would a sub get their rocks off without a dom? And vice versa. You can't put two doms or just two subs in the sack because they just wont dig it.

Unless, one or both is a switch. In which case, Yahtzee!